Jana’s poetry

AN ANSWER TO…

HOW DO YOUDEAL WITH PAIN

I have told you in my word

That you hold the power of the shield and sword

My child, you are not to deal with pain

Even through the thunderstorms with the cold drawn rain

You are to cast your cares upon me

Open up and allow me to see

Show me what is bottled up inside

Your fears, no longer will you have to hide

My child, of me, you can expect it all

For my child I will not let you fall

I will never fail you

Yet I will always save you

I am the one who has come to sanctify you

I have brought you the truth

I have brought you the light

I am the one that, for you, will put up the fight

How do you deal with pain you ask?

This for me is no task

It is not your job to deal with pain

It is not your job to worry yourself

Just call my name

And I will put your pain up on a shelf

I have called you to love

I have called you to praise

I have promised you, that with me, you will have no pain

So call my name

And everyday I will do the same.

By: Jana Adams….October 22, 2006

WHAT DO YOU SEE

Null and void I walk around

An empty shield

Hesitant to yield

I try so hard to listen for the sound

Yet all I hear is the cracking of the ground

It’s hard to show emotion

It’s hard to show devotion

I know not how to show it anymore

For through the years, my heart has grown sore

It’s so hard to release my emotions and let you in

For it goes much deeper into a life of sin

It goes much deeper than what is felt at this moment

It goes much deeper, into a heart that has been, for so long dormant

Many days I feel like breaking

I feel the cracks edging

Afraid of the day, that surface, the cracks they will

In fear of that day, I get a chill

Broken thoughts of an innocent child

Broken thoughts of that innocence defiled

Trust of loved ones, was trust in sin

And now it’s so hard to let the downpour of trust rush in

You say you see an angle

Yet I am no angle

If you only knew of the things that I have done

If you only knew what was present in this life that had begun

You say you see a rock

Yet what lay before you is a being in shock

Scared to let go

Scared to let show

This woman, you say you know.

You say you see before you a woman on innocence

A woman with an illuminating presence

Yet a mask covers her face

This woman of a different race

She beats to a different beat

Her body filled with much heat

Before you, stands a woman of disgrace

A woman tainted in the most unsuspecting of place

A woman abused in every way

A woman who struggles to start fresh with each day

You see before you, a woman who is strong

Yet, this is a woman who feels she has done everything wrong

With nothing but pain

With nothing but despair

Do you see a woman who goes by a different name?

Do you see a woman who has discerning care?

This woman that stands before you is trapped in a cage

This woman is a black-panther ready to pounce with much rage

Ready to divulge what is seen

Ready to make what is past, what is present, a vague dream

For every time this panther is set free

It is hard to conceive in the mind what is seen

You see a rock

Yet what lies in-front of you is a round block

Inside is a child that caresses each side

A child is trapped inside.

A child of confusion

A child full of delusion

A child born into a panther

A child who would rather

Have lived a life of peace

A life with no physical grief

A child who was raped of her innocence

A child longing for God’s presence

A child who lived to tell the tale of her murder

A child who you now call a survivor

You see a rock, you see an angle

Yet what you don’t see is the heart that so easily did mangle

Two questions I ask of you

Two answers, I only hope are true

Do you see me for the woman I am?

Do you see me for who I am?

By: Jana Adams

December 5, 2006

BOTTLED UP PAIN

I try to hide it

I try not to have a fit

But when I think about the pain

So many emotions rush in

Reminders of the sin

And even the worst of shame

I have, in the past

Said that we would not last

I have, in the past

Away from you, of myself, cast

I have told you of this pain that you have caused

Told you of the heart you have paused

Yet I hold in so much more

So much I am afraid to pour

I have bottled up pain

That makes me feel I am going insane

And I bottle up this pain

As to not discard your name

And with this bottled up pain

Does fall the driest of rain

And I feel not any moisture

And I see not the green of pasture

Yet see the darkest of hour

And taste the drops of sour

And I bottle this pain up

Yet not drink from a new cup

I merely bottle this pain up

And yes, you know of some of this pain that I hold

Yet I am not so bold

As to show you all the true pain

As to answer you my true name

And so I hold inside all of this pain

And feel not the moisture of the rain

This pain I bottle up

I drink not from a new cup

Yet this pain I bottle up

By: Jana Adams…November 19, 2007

A MAKE-BELIEF DREAM

I feel empty, hallow and ragged inside

And while reaching to grab the unraveling thread presented in front of me

I realize that my whole life has been a make-belief dream

It has been a seemingly, exciting yet an unfulfilling roller-coaster ride

So much deceit and dishonesty

Lies of the truth and taking advantage of me

A cover up of what I see

I realize that my whole life has been a make-belief dream.

So many coming in and out

Over and over I was filled with much doubt

Then came along a man

Of whom I felt at ease, taking his hand

Who knew that with him I would relive this make- belief dream

That so many times before, had me inside ready to scream.

With lies and deception covering every word

He took my heart and destroyed it with a jagged sword.

To my face, so endearing he looked

Spit words of supposed love and got my heart hooked.

I am lost, confused and dismantled inside

I begged of him please, with my emotions so frail

My heart, I asked, he would not derail

Yet, with this in mind and my spirit so shattered

He did not hesitate, and my heart, he so eloquently battered

And with my heart on a hook that he so delicately did bait

So smooth and unsuspected he did not hesitate

He removed my heart through his sneaky ways

Unsuspected, yet intertwining through many of days

He became a man whom I never expected

A man of whom my past is reflected

He lied to me many times over

So sleazy and slimy I should call him rover

And with this new found broken trust

With this unsuspecting disgusting lust

My heart takes a position where it is difficult to gleam

I realize again that my life is a make-belief dream.

By: Jana Adams

December 1, 2006

How do you deal with pain?

When it consumes you like the heat of a summers’ day

When all your life you’ve hidden it away

Then someone comes along and says it doesn’t have to be that way

Says be yourself you are a flower

You let go, then in a blink of an eye your world turns sour

How do you deal with pain?

When you lye in a sea of disparity

Overtaken with thoughts of uncertainty

How do you deal with pain?

When all the acts and words you thought to be true

Turn out to be lies simply fed to you

How do you deal with pain?

When it comes to pass

That preceding days

Were filled with misguided notions

Showered with false emotions

How do you deal with pain?

When all you thought was real in your life

Ends up in strife

How do you deal with pain?

If what you feel devours you spirit

If everyday you constantly feel it

How do you deal with pain?

When expectations of the one you love

Seemed not so far out of reach

When foreseen acts of the one you love

Appeared as though they would not end up breach

How do you deal with pain?

Like spoiling a child when you spare the rod

The trust and respect once had

Turns out to be a façade

How do you deal with pain?

How do you deal with pain

When you are dismembered of your crown

And your world gets turned up-side down

When on a pedestal, you once stood

And now you find yourself hiding under a hood

How do you deal with pain

How do you deal with pain?

By: Jana Adams

October, 2006